Transformations are never easy and this weekend was no different.
*cues Mercury in retrograde, Beyonce and Jay Z concert, being a Sagittarius, and cutting your hair the shortest it's ever been and maybe then you'll scratch the surface of how intense my emotions were*
I, like probably most people in this world, have wrapped my beauty and femininity in my hair and it's length. Even though I knew I wanted to cut my hair and have associated women with short hair to be brave, stunning, and fearless, this weekend I came face to face with my own insecurities. The morning before I went to go see my idols Beyonce and Jay Z, I decided to commit to something I have wanted to do for the past 6 or so years, and cut off all my hair. I went by myself and once my hair stylist asked me the final “Are you sure?” and took out the razors, I immediately wanted my mom for reassurance, love and everything that a mom brings in a time like this. I am usually an independent and self-assured type of gal, so I do not find myself in these moments frequently, but this weekend I was alone and had to slightly push through tears as I made this big change.
Like I said- emotions were intense this weekend and a lot of “big girl” thinking came with it. Once my hair was cut, and I was in my car, I called my mom and cried like the biggest baby in the world. I whined about feeling like I looked ugly- like a boy- regretting the decision I made and the fact it would take forever to grow back; and my mom, beautifully, allowed me the space to vent and cry but also reminded me that I am my biggest critic and probably needed to rest and get some food //which if you know me, you know that I am just like a snickers' commercial and need those two things whenever my mood turns into GODZILLA. Feeling ugly hours before Beyonce is NOT a mood and I instantaneously felt myself seeping back into the 7th grade version of myself that just wanted to hide in a closet. I asked my boyfriend if he could graciously take our friends out of my house so that I could allow myself some time to just wallow and come to… until I realized that I now have a dog and I don’t get to have those “moments” because he also wants love and attention, too.
Which cues my next intense emotional spiral of parenting.
Having a dog has taught me a lot about parenting, and so, in this latest emotional adventure, I realized that my parents must’ve had several times where they had a rough time and just wanted to come home and be left alone, but instead, had to be parents to me. It made me realize how selfless the act of parenting is and that I had so much to be thankful for with mine, that they have always allowed me the space to just cry, be mad, be happy, etc, when they also had their life and chaos to deal with, as well.
So, as you can tell, this weekend alone was intense… and Mercury’s retrograde is just beginning so it’s time to buckle in for the ride. Ladies, I know it’s easy to hold on to age old societal standards, but if there is something that you want to do - DO IT. Nothing in life is promised, so you must seize the moment. If there is one thing this weekend taught me, it is to embrace my flaws, my journey and slightly impulsive Sagittarius nature. I’m still not completely used to my short hair, but I know that this transition of cutting my locks has already allowed me to grow in more ways than I could’ve imagined. I look forward to continuing this growth and insight and hope you all stay tuned.
P.S- Now y’all finally get to see just how deep and in my head I get when I’m hungry. & Beyonce and Jay were AMAZING.
Aaron, Knowles & I (yes, my dog is named after Beyonce)