Tight Circle, No Squares. I'm Geometrically Opposed to you.

August 13, 2018

As a little girl, I always looked up to my mom - for many reasons, but I remember one in particular being because of her friends.  I saw my mom with her lifelong best friends, one being my godmother, and thought they had it all.

Being an only child, I understood that I would never have blood sisters and so it constantly made me wonder when I would get my “lifelong best friends” that could be a girl group like my mom and hers.  Because of that “want” and ideology of friendship, it made me hold onto toxic friendships in which I equated time with love, instead of realizing to believe people the first time they show you who they are.

 

Here’s what I mean; I had people in my life that I called my "friends", who would constantly tell me what others had said about me and it was always something negative.  However, I would never hear how my “friends” responded or defended me. I realized they popped up when something positive was happening in my life, but weren’t there for the trials and tribulations- and even in those times of success, were still making catty remarks at the expense of me achieving my goals. I always wrote it off until eventually, I had to come face to face with the fact that the people in my life were in my circle {because I placed them there, I let them in}, but they weren’t in my corner. 

 

I had to ask myself- Why were they there? What was their purpose and what were they adding in my life? Do they have my back? Do they protect and love me fiercely? And with that, is that love so fierce that no one in their right mind would ever question our friendship or come to them with negativity about me. When I am scared, or afraid, are they right by me holding my hand to let me know that I am not alone? Do they support my dreams or do they talk down on them or try to one-up me? And lastly, can I be real with them? Can I let my guard down around them?  Can I tell them when something they have done has hurt me and trust that in those moments they will still know my heart and not use judgement to hurt me?

 

And what I found is that I had too many “I don’t knows” to questions that should have been unquestionable.  I had to come to terms with the fact that people in my life were acting like they wished me well, and I acted like I believed them for the sake of fulfilling an idea of lifelong friends. And while throughout high school and even college, I may have been okay with this, I realized that I was now in a place that would not allow me to be complacent, which terrified me.  

I was wrapped in determining friendship based on length of time, instead of realizing that support doesn’t always come from familiar faces, sometimes it comes from complete strangers that you haven’t even noticed are watching and in your corner; and sometimes those people are placed in your life to come to your defense, in moments that you don’t even know.

It’s hard to break away from lifelong friends and it’s even harder to walk away from the memories.  However, it is also incredibly freeing to know that you no longer have to question if the people standing by your side are there for the good, bad and ugly, or only pop up during your seasons of success. I found that it made it easier for me when I came to a place where I could walk away knowing that I still wished them well, even when they probably don’t wish the same for me.  And furthermore, when I made a vow to love myself more than anyone else and to be okay with being alone. I realize that in being true to myself, I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain and that now, I have people in my life who value that.

 

My crew now is a lot smaller, but it’s also a lot healthier and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Life’s too short to be anything but happy and it’s time we all grow out of our high school version of friendship and truly elevate ourselves to what we really deserve.  "When you get older, you realize it's not as important to have a lot of friends. It's more important to have true friends."

 

From my family, to A and our friends, my Hollins girls, my A1 Day1 Khalil, and my good sis in Jax, Ki. I would be nothing without y'all and I thank you for showing me true friendship. 

 

-A

 

*play Friends by Jay Z & Beyonce to get your friend goals on track, & listen to the whole album while you're at it.  Thank me later. Besos. 

Here are the common 5 types of friends you will find in your circle but not in your corner, do you know who they are? 

 

1). The Glass Half Full: They often make you question yourself and bring many doubts or disbelief. They respond with "You've tried it before and it didn’t work out, so why bother.

2). The Flake: They appear for moments that benefits themselves and then vanish into thin air and notorious for backing out of plans or coming into town without letting you know and will make you chase them down.

3). The Dumpster: They are there for you to solve their problems but don’t have time to help you with yours.

4). The Bad Influence: They are troublemakers; drama and gossip follows them wherever they go and they don’t take accountability for their actions.

5). The One-Upper: They have many insecurities and they don't have high self-esteem and their primary objective is to always out do you.

 

*taken from https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/17087-5-types-of-friends-in-your-circle-but-not-in-your-corner

 

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